muffn

Due to a nasty cold last week, I found it extremely difficult to do things like make the bed, do the dishes, shave, and wake up on time.  Not only that but Lindsay was up in VT for the week for school vacation.  I think it’s great that teachers get a week off to unwind, someone in the personal trainers union really needs to get on that!

Barely having enough time to make it to the bus a couple of days, breakfast was going to have to wait until I got to work.  Lucky for me, I work in a building that has a great bistro downstairs that serves up a mean breakfast.  They also know me well enough to ask how many eggs I want in my omlette for the day.  Twelveteen please!

And each time this week, sure as shit, the dingleberry behind me has to cringe and say “oh wow, 5 eggs?!  How’s your cholesterol?” as they go to purchase their bagel mcmuffintop pastry and a diet soda right behind me.  I always want to answer with “how’s your diabeetus?” but I refrain and just smile politely.

Anyways, now that Lindsay is home, one of our favorite things to do Sunday morning is wake up early and make breakfast together before getting a head start on things like grocery shopping and laundry (to which Linds gets most all of the credit).  Today was mass quantities of bacon (nitrite free from Trader Joes), eggs and some oatmeal with frozen berries.  Eggs and bacon, mmmmmmm.

Typically, I would have a potato but the pan was reserved for the baconz this morning.  Either way, I’m concerned at the fact that it is still frowned upon to eat large quantities of eggs and other naturally high-protein, high-fat foods such as the baconz.

I obviously don’t expect people to top the 1,000 calorie mark at breakfast like I do as I am a special breed.  I work on my feet all day, am very active, I move a shit ton of weight weekly, I am a competitive powerlifter, and for the most part my diet is squeaky clean.  Unless I have recently moved some tonnage in the weightroom I typically don’t eat the muffins.

That said, all I wanted to do today was point out the obvious differences between my breakfast and that of the judgemental $%#$ behind me.  P.S. when I’m sick and haven’t had my breakfast, don’t mess with me.  Thank you 🙂

There are obviously thousands of different kinds of muffins so, since I live in the Northeast, I will share the Dunkin blueberry muffin and even throw in the “low-fat” option for good measures.  Here is the calorie and nutrient breakdown:

Which one is healthier? I don't know either...

It appears that muffins are some bastards sick joke to enlarge a cupcake and make it seem healthy by adding negligable fruit.  Seriously?  There is enough sugar in each of these muffins to make Wilfred Brimley blush.

The biggest problem is that said muffin is not only full of sugar but they are all empty calories as well. Translation: no nutrition whatsoever.

And my eggs, well they were delicious.  I even have the chef add a cup of what I like to call “vegetables”, a little salsa, and no cheese.  Believe it or not there are significantly less calories in my omelette than in the low-calorie beetus muffin.

  • Total calories = roughly 400
  • Fat = *24g
  • Carbs = 12g
  • Fiber = 4g
  • Protein = 31g

* Repeat after me: Eating fat does NOT make me fat.  Eating fat does NOT make me fat.  NOW SAY IT WITH SOME FEELING!!

On that note, here is a study that shows egg consumption is NOT associated with cardiovascular disease.  And considering that on average I consume between 10 and 12 per day and maintain a perfect cholesterol profile dispels the myth that eggs will cause your cholesterol to skyrocket.

So the next time your standing in line for that muffin, you might want to rethink your life choices and opt for something that is “actually” healthy and beware, the diabetus fairy is watching you.


Written by Steve